Saturday, August 22, 2015

Have a seat...

Lately there have been many doctors appointment as witnessed here. I believe it was the great Robert Plant, of the legendary late 60’s rock band, Led Zeppelin, who said, “Into every life a little rain must fall.” For what it’s worth, it’s been hurricane season here for a minute. But we soldier on, we soldier on.
If anything, the waiting builds patience and character and a bunch of other shit that is about as much fun as eating a  football with your ass but, if you are one of the chosen people, shackled with burdens you feel you have not earned, take pride because the man in the big party in the sky believes in you. He thinks you can carry all this nonsense on yo’ back over the goal line and you can’t let Him down. Though there are those days and sometimes weeks or months that feel like 3 and 25. You just gotta put your head down, square those shoulders and no matter what, keep those feet moving!

I hope you all are well.


Wednesday, July 22, 2015

What the actual...

foot doctor said, your foot is busted, stay off of it...

regular doc said your physiology is busted you need to get up and move your ass or shit is going to get serious...

now what in the actual hell am I to make about all of this?
yesterday, i may have been the first guy this summer, no in all of recorded history, to be on the gd elliptical machine,
in a cast and boot
that's exactly what I needed.
something else to ellicit stares from people who look at me like my struggle is
more hopeless than anyone elses

just cause that dude wearing the tapout shirt
grunts louder
than anyone else
and can lift all the plates on the leg press
(BFD let's see his porcine ass squat more than 50lbs)
does not mean he is in better shape

were it not for this gd cast
and boot, to boot
to a cardio-carnival
i would challenge him
and in the words of one of my favorite motivational speakers,
Eric Thomas, "YOU WILL NOT OUT WORK ME..."

bruthafucka i will DIE on that elliptical, treadmill, bike, arc trainer, hand bike
and whatever other kind of cardio non-sense you can throw at me
before i quit before you

a time ago
i thought i was done with tattoos
but i may have been wrong
in funky script
up the side of my
sounds like a good

i know that shit is going to hurt
and if i was a crayon
my color would be

life is about compromise
one doc says sit
another says come
im the only dog in my race

so today
im sore like
a whore on

and that shit makes me cranky

I hope you all are well.



Sunday, July 12, 2015

One Crazy Summer…


Pretty convinced these are the end times or, at the very least, (the world) people have lost their damn minds.

when, “The Donald” is the GOP front-runner and someone tries to blow up the beach, yeah, there are strange things afoot.


In all honesty, it’s probably the heat, as evidenced above that is making everyone insane. while it hasn’t been insane hot, the humidity has been rearing its ugly head and I don’t know anyone who enjoys a generous case of, “swamp ass.”

That being said, three commercial fishing boats were set on fire and burned the other night. as if fishermen don’t have it tough enough, am I right? the predominant theory at this point is arson. I would think this is some fishermen on fishermen beef as most eco terrorists seem to have gone on semi-permanent vacation. either way it’s shitty. those dudes work hard and the job takes its toll on more than their bodies, whether you know it or not.

Somehow your cubicle doesn’t seem so bad now, does it?

Sea Star

On top of all of this, someone tries to go and ruin a perfectly great weekend by blowing up the beach. film at eleven.

Cierra Putman: Dropping some knowledge

who goes and blows up a beach, in the middle of summer? NO ONE, that’s who. the best part of all of this is that locals never even gave a thought to the fact there could have been a multitude of reasons for this happening. they completely refused to acknowledge a gaseous smell, not unlike methane, that was in the air, PRIOR to the explosion. no thought, “Hey, there is a concessions stand and bathroom facilities with showers requiring hot water…” NO ONE thought that. instead everyone automatically jumps to the obvious answer; this has to be ISIS.


I can’t think of a less desirable target than maybe the middle of a corn field in Iowa.


there is nothing but morons and savages in this place.

I hope you all are well.



Thursday, July 09, 2015

Can’t catch a…



this was how my thursday morning progressed and I have to admit, I’ve had better. for what it’s worth I am completely aware there are things way worse than this in life and if this is all I have to deal with, then I am totally grateful.

it’s just a total bummer having been sick for what seems like every summer since the end of time. whether I was actually sick, as in like hospitalized or sick as in, “look at me my gd foot won’t heal and I am going to be in a boot for the next 6 months of my life” try to not go bat shit insane has proven to be quite a task.

at least there is work.

taking tuition payments                                      


taking calls about tuition payments

answering face to face questions about tuition payments at the counter until I feel like I am repeating myself over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

sending people one counter over to financial aid

listening to those in the military bitch, when they submit their tuition waivers but yet still have to pay normal college administrative fees.

good times…good times.


can’t lie and say I am going to spend the whole weekend preparing for nursing entrance exam but it is definitely going to be a priority. G8trcaker (new friend from first time I took anatomy) has same prep book. I guess we are going to do it together? Not sure how that is going to work out but, if nothing else I will identify my strengths and weaknesses…*cough-cough-math-cough*


really should get to the Y at some point this weekend too. bad enough being the fat guy at the gym but being the fat guy with the size eleventy billion cast on your leg just makes things that more rich.

the icing on the cake is the cardio machine I’ve heard tell of but never actually seen. pedals like a bike however, you are using your arms. Herr Doktor told me he wants me to start at twenty minutes. if this had been our normally scheduled program, I would have laughed. I can do twenty minutes of cardio and jerk off. using the upper body….ehhh not so sure. even if it is another exercise in humiliation, at least it makes for a good story


I hope you all are well




I'm too gd big for this shit!

i really only have one thing to say right now and it is this: "IT IS 2k&MUTHFUCKIN'15, there is no need to be without air conditioning.

the heat is too damn high! First order of business when I get back on my feet and get a full-time job, is putting away money for one of those ductless units. i can't be expected to live and be productive when every waking moment i have, makes me feel like a suzy-Q, just laying inside the gd package, doin' nothing besides laying there sweating and being fat and greasy...'s not even august yet.

in order to get to sleep tonight, i will stand in the shower until sufficiently cool
then make a quick albeit wet transition into bed, in front of a fan thusly insuring i wake on the morrow with pneumonia, a sore throat and a broken back

nothing but savages in this town

I hope you all are well.


Wednesday, July 01, 2015

Yoo Hoo...

someone recently asked me why I never blog anymore. I didn’t really have a good answer.

needless to say, that was like three weeks ago and here we are. Its past my bedtime, Miles Davis is on in the background and I still have nothing good to say. I feel like an athlete coming off the bench after the wunderkind rookie has had his ass handed to him for the last time. these keys once familiar are now foreign to me and I could give a fuck about grammar and editing and the rest of that shit. sue me.

finished up last pre-required class before I can test and apply to nursing program. I got nothing lower than an A-. Damn, it feels good to be a gangster. (Note to self: buy yourself one of those back-lit wireless keyboards, you cheap asshole.) it was not so long ago when I thought it was going to take me forever to get through all of this shit so I could apply to nursing school and here I am. even though I am potentially starting after someone who had not even begun, when I was already in process, who is now finishing up, I don’t give a fuck. that in itself is progress. 

listening to “Kind of Blue” now reminds me why we used to put it on at bedtime, in college. not only is it a great disc but its totally mellowing me out, even with the giant cup of Diet Mountain Destruction before me. today was really the first day it was like holy shit hot and it got up to like 80°F You cant tell me this global warming shit is not real. I remember it being hot like this when I was a kid and it was 90 out. so either we are closer to the sun or we have hairsprayed away all of the protective ozone. either way es no bueno

I hope you all are well


Friday, February 28, 2014

Title goes here...

I can hear my heart beating in my head and my breath keeps time with the clacking of the keyboard. I have ear plugs in and a hood on and I can still hear most of whats being said a room away. A bit distracting to say the least and sure its hyperbole to say I want to kill everyone but when I am trying to get an idea for a story straight in my head, the last thing I need to worry about is chatter and the rumblings of a six pound dog.

the keyboard feels foreign. Like a stranger, like the hiring manager you’re trying to warm up to because they are the gate keeper to the job you want to land, you need to land. for whatever reason punctuation, a linear thought process and being able to find the P key have been elusive, as has the desire to eat dinner. I am hungry for progress not food and at times like these, it’s important for me to feed my brain, more so than to feed my face. there is no time for music or facebook or television or grabbing myself with both hands. there is not time to pet the dog, trying to sit on my left shoulder, like a four-legged parrot, there will be time for that later.

right now I stretch, mentally. I punch the keys in hopes of establishing a rhythm, creating muscle memory, finding my voice, ferreting out the one diamond in the mountains of coal and dog shit lodged within the confines of my grey matter. fuck you Pinkman. fuck you Heisenberg. the need is greater than the desire and I gotta get this shit out.

I hope you all are well.



Thursday, February 06, 2014

Little Talks with myself...

I'm sending this out to a bunch of people in need. Basically every cousin I have on my mom's side of the family, the Vermontster, K-Dubb, The Blogfather and hopefully there will be a smidge left for little old me.

Seems the nasties have been working overtime and their campaigns to get everyone down with the less than shiny happy thoughts have been less than successful. Therefore, they have take it upon themselves to throw some big-time monkey wrenches into the physical works of some pretty cool people. When I stop and think of it, "ain't nobody got time for that..."

So here is my treaty to the Universe and everything in it, to maybe ease up on the whip for a while.

This week I was finally able to use the health insurance I signed up for, four months ago. I was told it would be all set to go by 1/1/14 but there are always bumps in the road you see and while I still had said insurance, said insurance company said, "Yeah...we don't feel like doing what we said we were going to do so, 2/1/14, that's when you're good to go. Now in most cases, I am smarter and more patient than the average bear but after not being able to health care professionals of varying specialties, for a lengthy period of time, I was a little perturbed, shall we say.

Even more so, when I met with a professional who, I presumed was going to be my new therapist. After the initial interview, they start to end the session with something to the effect of, "If I'm hearing you correctly, it sounds like you have a good deal of underlying anger, depression and grief. These things are not really in my wheel house and so I think it would be better for me to refer you to someone more suitable for your needs." Of course I am paraphrasing here but that was the general idea of what was said.

Picture a cartoon character, sitting on a couch, big glasses, blinking and not moving and you have pretty much what I must have looked like. Having worked in mental health for a good portion of my life, I saw this coming but really hoped this person was going to man up and be the person to help me get my head right. No such luck. I will say that they did come through with referral info within two days but was obviously not listening to me as I told them I would prefer a woman and that I was not willing to go back on medication.

I'm not going to lie. After they told me anger, depression and grief were not in their wheel house, I felt like asking, "what the fuck did you go to grad school for then?" I kept it classy. There was part of me that wanted to call the office back and thank them for dragging me out in a snowstorm and wasting my time.Maybe ask if they even listened to anything I said but, I've been trying to keep it positive and so I am going to back out on my own and try to navigate the waters of mental health professionals until I get someone who I feel can help me accomplish my goals. Whatever the fuck those are. I might even look up the social worker I talked to in high school, when I had what I believe to be the break that started it all. Going right back down the well to my own personal book of Genesis. Can't wait to see what I'm not supposed to eat this time. Until then I'm thinking the warm thoughts and smiling,even though my heart is breaking.

I hope you all are well.


P.S. This is the song of late that puts a smile on my face, when the voices tell me to kill everyone.

The music & video above are property of  OF MONSTERS AND MEN and their respective recording companies.